In cooperation with the UVa Athletic Department and
                   Orsgrove  Productions,
                 the Pep Band now presents:

                     THE UNCENSORED SHOW

Evangelist rants and raves about the evils of the pep
band... blah, blah, blah, etc.

Announcer: Look!  Down there in the amphitheater!  It's a
nerd!  It's a pain!
     Right!  It's SUPER  Brother JIM!
     Yes Super Jim, faster than you can say "Paranoid
Schizophrenic",  able to leap entire trains of thought in a
single bound.  More powerful than the mysterious blue liquid
used in diaper commercials.
     Yes, Super Brother Jim, who, with his ever faithful
companion, the Pat Woman, wages a never ending battle
against the hallucinogenic drugs which have permanently
altered his mind.

...And now as the twentieth anniversary of the Pep Band
rapidly approaches, scholars have asked Super Jim: "How was
the Pep Band created?"
Evangelist:  On the Eighth Day, God created the Pep Band
under the influence of a thunderous hangover.  (other
reasons why the Pep Band is here)
Ann:  Of course, he's wrong.  Despite what the scientific
and religious communities are willing to admit [cue], the
Pep Band wasn't created in the blue skies of Heaven; it
wasn't created in the fiery depths of Hell!  It was in fact
conceived in the back seat of the amphitheater.

IT'S THE AWARD-WINNING VIRGINIA FIGHTING CAVALIER
INDOOR/OUTDOOR PRECISION MARCHING PEP BAND AND CHOWDER
SOCIETY REVUE, UNLIMITED!!!!!!  (NOW TRULY UNLIMITED)


(America the Beautiful in the background)
Over 19 years ago, a few daring students formed together and
witnessed the success of scramble style bands at other fine
Virginia caliber institutions:  Harvard, Yale, Rice and
Stanford.  These pioneers saw the opportunity to create a
tradition at the University...  A tradition that still
stands today.  This was the conception of the Virginia Pep
Band.
     (America climaxes.  and Mandy too)
     For fifteen years the band played at every event. It
became famous for halftime performances that left audiences
laughing, crying, hissing, and throwing fruit.  The Virginia
Pep Band touched the heart and soul (and that's not all they
touched) of every Wahoo and fan that ever graced the stands.
     But alas... all was not well...
     (Angry chord!!!!!!!!)
     In 1986, things started to change.  After a
particularly rough reception from West Virginia, the
Athletic department instated the Review Board to advise the
band on the contents of its shows.  The board was to advise,
but soon it came to revise.  The jokes were slashed and the
formations were axed.  The band was left without its
strongest weapon: poisnonous farts, oh, I mean, gas, oh, I
mean, the joke.
     So today we'll show you our other side... our DARK
side...  We'll look at the school and the world like never
before:  Today there are No Holds Barred.
Music: Runaway

We now take you back to November 2, 1985.  The place is West
Virginia:
     FAMILY FEUD:  And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time
for everyone's favorite game show, the Family Feud.  We'd
like to introduce tonight's two teams:  representing the
University of West Virginia, it's the Hatfields; and their
opponents, representing the spirit and tradition of the
University of Virginia, the Fenwicks.

Now to begin our game.  Put your hands on your buzzers and
get ready for our first question:
Name something you associate with the state of West
Virginia.
HATFIELD:  Mountaineers
MC:  And the survey says...it's the number one answer.
Would you like to play or pass?
HATFIELD:  Maw says we'll play
MC:  (gives Maw a quick peck) Well, Maw, what do you
associate with the state of West Virginia?
MAW:  Fine education
MC:  And the survey says...(band sounds a hearty beep)
MC:  Well, Uncle Jeb, what do you think?
UNCLE JEB: Why, all the women-folks are big on birth
control.
MC:  Do we have... Birth Control? (second beep)
MC:  It's up to you Cousin Zak.  What do you associate with
the state of West Virginia?
Zak:  Uhh, indoor plumbing?
MC:  Indoor plumbing...(third beep)
MC:  Okay, Fenwicks, this is your chance to steal.  Give me
something associated with the state of West Virginia.
BIFF:  Okay, we've got an answer.  This will sound tres
tacky but ... beastiality.
Music: Jailhouse Rock!!!

Let's get some reaction from the crowd...
I've seen better bands on a cigar.  ha! ha! ha!

SEX:
PBS recently produced and aired an educational piece that
graphically diagrammed and explained sexual intercourse.  It
was geared for children six and up.  Because the athletic
department deemed it too explicit for football audiences, we
were unable to present this feature for you until today.
Music:  The Stripper

Disneyland Sources announced today that Cinderella has been
relieved of her duties in the Magic Kingdom.  When
questioned why, officials responded that Cinderella was
caught sitting on Pinochio's face begging, "Tell me lies,
baby, tell me lies!"
Music:  Mickey Mouse

FLASH:  Go Go Gadget Penis... Schwing!!!  (cue Inspector
Gadget with slinky penis, GO ERIC!)

The Pep Band anxiously awaits the trial outcome of the Navy
Sonar instructor who was dishonorably discharged on the
grounds of his sexual preference.  Funny, but we thought he
actually ENJOYED being dishonorably discharged.
Music:  The Love Boat

Bash Gyno-Americans:
     In appointing his former campaign financier to the
board of visitors, Governor L. Douglas Wilder has been
criticized for taking a "You pat my back, I'll pat yours"
attitude with such an important position!  Hmmm, we thought
he'd be tired of taking Pat on the back.
Music:  Centerfold

In recognition of meritorious community service, University
Board of Visitors member, Patricia Kluge is to receive an
honorary diploma.  Albemarle High School plans to hold the
ceremony sometime next month.
Music:  Good ol' Song  (maybe?)  (cue graduation skit)

Animal lovers are concerned to hear about the Clintons
having a cat in Washington.  They feel that the animal's
history of independent thinking, sneaky behavior, and
willingness to claw others' eyes out makes it inappropriate
for the White House.  But then again, where else could
Hillary live?
Music:  Mustang Sally

Flash:  Don't just take English lit, take all your classes
lit!

Are you  ready for some Frisbee dog action?  Watch them run,
watch them fetch, watch them jump on command, they'll do
most anything for a pet on the head.  That's right folks,
it's sorority rush!  Don't miss it.
Music:  Rugby Road

Boxing Fans!  We hope everyone enjoyed the exciting
heavyweight title fight between Evander Holyfield and
Riddick Bowe in Las Vegas last night.  For those who missed
out, it will be reshown tonight at 2 a.m. on the corner at
Littlejohn's.
Music:  25 or 6 to 4

Hey!  English department chairs!  Why did you deny tenure to
those two female faculty members?!
     Sorry, but they just wouldn't put out... uh, any
published material, that is.
(Band:  OUCH!!!!)

J. Danforth Quayle--Senator, Vice President, Curiosity of
Nature.  Plug him in, turn him on--what will he say next?
--"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between
a mother and child." (Band yells, dum!) (in 2001 style)
--"What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind.  Or not to
have a mind at all.  How true that is." (dum!!)
--"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more
freedom and democracy--but that could change." (dum!!!)
--"I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman." (dum!, dum!!!)
--"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." (dum,
dum, dum, dum....)

Let's go back to the crowd--I haven't heard music like this
since I was trapped in an elevator for three weeks and had
to eat my own legs to survive.

The Virgin General cautions that the following item is not a
joke, not a fact, but a flat-out insult!
     Recent studies show that the sky is blue, grass is
green, water is wet, and student council is nothing but a
group of self stroking politicos who don't even have enough
power or authority to pick their own noses.  (nah, nah, nah)

When the Cavs had a 5-0 record, we were betting that we'd be
headed toward another bowl game.  Guess we WELSHed on that
one.
Music:  Cav Song

One last comment from the peanut gallery--If this band was
architecture, they'd put it in the New College!

President elect Bill Clinton has promised to change our
country into a more beautiful place.  The Pep Band suggests
he start by having Al Gore's daughters provide beauty tips
to Chelsea!
Music:  Hey, Baby!

In response to recent (and totally unfounded) claims that
the Pep Band promotes the abuse of alcoholic beverages, we
have declared next week as Hangover Awareness Week.
Music:  Joy to the World

Flash:  If cheerleaders at the University of Florida drink
GATORade, do Florida State cheerleaders drink Seminole
fluid?

Top ranking Virginia Tech officials announced this week that
the graduating class of 1993 will receive diplomas printed
on genuine sheepskin.  Students, however, will be required
to provide their own sheep.
Music:  I Can't Turn You Loose

In preparation for next week's trip down to Blacksburg for
the Tek game, the Pep Band has been boning up on their
favorite pick up lines:
--So, do you graze here often?
--I can shuck an ear of corn in three seconds flat--with my
tongue.
--Hey Jim Bob, let's go pick up some babes.  Sure
thing, Billy Jo, but your family reunion or mine?
--Get in the truck, bitch.
Music:  Gimme Some Lovin'

Evangelist runs out:  I told you they were evil...


1992 Orsgrove Productions, Inc, a subsidary of Shows R Us.

All rights reserved.

                      Have a nice day!